it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
