just come out here and I will go home with you...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
