i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
