if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
