I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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