i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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