I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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