Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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