I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize