His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
