hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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