she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
