as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
