If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
