Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
