I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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