I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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