How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
