after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
