All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Your penis caused this!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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