Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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