Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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