No I am not eating basil off your cock
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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