Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
