I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
