I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
