if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
