yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
