SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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