Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
