I just made out with a guy for $7.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
