you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
