i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
