we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
