The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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