you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize