omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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