the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
