I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
