It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
