Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
