she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
