You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
