I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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