Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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