he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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