I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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