In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
