why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
