What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
