Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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